I do not take for granted that I have spent more Memorial Day weekends in Vermont than I can count. While the weather is not typically warm, the lilacs are usually in full bloom, the threat of frost has usually passed, and the sun rises a bit earlier and sets a bit later. Hence, for the Larkin Family, Memorial Day weekend signals weeding and planting our garden. This year, however, the end of May was particularly chilly in Vermont and the weather was hardly ideal. The air carried the lingering coolness of winter, and a steady drizzle stayed with me as I weeded and prepared the ground. Despite the cold, there was something deeply peaceful about being outside, surrounded by fresh soil and the quiet promise of growth. Gardening has become one of my favorite forms of restoration. Self-taught, I have learned through observation and more than a few mistakes along the way. Each season brings new lessons, but one in particular has stayed with me: growth rarely depends on perfect conditions. Seeds take root through cold nights and unexpected challenges. Importantly, in recent years I realized how important companion planting is to a garden’s success. Certain vegetables, herbs, and flowers thrive when planted alongside one another while others may not. Some naturally deter pests while others encourage them. Some provide shade, support, or nutrients that help neighboring plants flourish. Left on their own, they may survive. Together, they become stronger, healthier, and more resilient.
Our role is not to shape children into a single mold.
It is to create the conditions that allow them to grow.
As I worked in the garden a few weeks ago, I was struck by how much this mirrors our responsibility to children. Too often, our culture celebrates a narrow definition of success or assumes there is a single path to achievement. But anyone who has spent time with children knows this is simply not true. No two are alike. Each child arrives with a unique combination of strengths, challenges, interests, and ways of understanding the world. Some find their voice early; others need more time. Some thrive in traditional academic settings, while others need a less traditional path. Some children shine through creativity, opportunities for leadership, sharing their innate empathy, demonstrating persistence, or naturally problem-solving.
As adults, our role is not to shape children into a single mold or set them on a single path. It is to create the conditions that allow them to grow. Like gardeners, parents, educators, coaches, mentors, and caregivers support development through patience, encouragement, and thoughtful attention. We observe. We listen. We adjust. We notice progress in all its forms. And perhaps most importantly, we hold belief in what is possible, sometimes even before the child can see it for themselves.
Companion planting offers another lesson. Growth does not happen in isolation. Children flourish through relationships and communities that understand and support them. Like the strongest gardens, the healthiest communities recognize that individuals do not all grow in the same way or on the same timeline. What matters is creating an environment where each person has the opportunity to contribute, belong, and thrive. A child will gain confidence, and a new interest may take root. And as a result, a challenge that once felt out of reach becomes manageable. These moments may not always be dramatic, but they matter deeply. They are the building blocks of resilience, self-understanding, and life long learning. When we recognize and nurture the individuality of children, we create communities where differences are not simply accommodated, but genuinely appreciated, and where young people are supported in becoming the fullest versions of themselves.
The garden continues to teach me this. Growth does not happen because everything is the same, nor because conditions are always ideal and predictable. It happens because each living thing is understood, nurtured, and given what it needs to thrive. When we offer that same care to children, wherever they learn, play, and grow, we create the conditions for something truly extraordinary.
Gretchen Larkin is the Head of School at Eagle Hill School.
This article was printed in the Greenwich Sentinel - June 26, 2026 - Page 4-
